Becoming a Maternal Being

When I first became pregnant the last thing I felt was maternal. I still felt like a feisty teenager wanting to experience the world for myself and make my own stamp in the sands of time. But over the last five months between finding out, having to tell my parents, moving out of my apartment and back home, and transferring from my University back to my local community college I realize that now I’m making plans based off of what I feel is best for my daughter.

This morning in my alone time I was just thinking to myself my daughter is going to be a cheerleader, an A student, a successful college student and the list goes on. I’ve also noticed that I have already started to think about what type of high school I want her to go to and about her getting her driver’s license on her 16^th birthday.

When I was younger I used to notice how my mom when asked how she was doing would always find a way to turn the conversation over to an accomplishment I had made or to brag about how well I was doing in school or in an activity. Now it’s so ironic because I find myself doing the same thing, no longer are my conversations self-centered they are more focused on her. Everything I feel is now because the baby wants me to or the baby feels a certain way or the baby kicked so she must like or dislike that. I love to put the focus on her and make it known that she is my pride and joy already.

Although I have not met her yet it is amazing how I already feel such a strong connection and love to her it is like I have known her forever. And even though our conversations are one sided she keeps me entertained; These feelings are something that I have just begun to experience as her presence has become more known and it just makes those most irritating symptoms all the more worth it.